Ep 8: Why Women Struggle to Receive
Episode 8 of the Good Girl Rebellion podcast.
Why Women Struggle to Receive: How to Stop Blocking the Things You Want
I wanted to do an episode on receiving because I think it sits underneath so many of the patterns I see in women, particularly women in business, and also because I recognise it deeply in myself too.
So many of us are incredibly good at giving. We support everyone else, solve problems, remember things and carry emotional labour that often goes unnoticed. We over-deliver, anticipate needs, become the reliable one, the capable one, the person everyone else can depend on.
But when it comes to receiving, that can feel much more uncomfortable.
Receiving support, money, opportunities, compliments, visibility, care and recognition. Even receiving rest can feel strangely difficult for many women.
And I think a lot of women are unintentionally blocking the very things we know we want because receiving feels vulnerable, exposing or somehow unsafe.
One of the things that really stayed with me from my recent conversation with relationship expert Katie Rössler was something she almost said as an aside. She talked about how we often attract our opposite in relationships. I genuinely felt my brain stall for a moment when she said it because it explained so much.
If we are the over-givers, the over-functioners and the people who quietly carry everything, we often end up in relationships with people who are much more comfortable receiving. And over time, that imbalance can create enormous resentment. Not necessarily because someone is a bad person, but because we have normalised giving to such an extent that we stop noticing how much we are carrying.
A lot of women have been conditioned to believe their value comes from what they give. Being useful becomes connected to being lovable. We are praised for being accommodating, selfless and reliable. We learn that being ‘good’ often means making life easier for everyone else. So receiving can start to feel selfish. Greedy. Arrogant. Like we are taking too much. Like we owe something in return.
I think many women subconsciously feel that if they receive something, expectations will increase. If we receive support, we’ll owe support back. If we achieve success, we could lose it. If we receive praise, we risk disappointing people later. And underneath all of that is often a very old fear around safety, belonging and approval.
Of course this then shows up in business.
It shows up in undercharging and over-delivering. In struggling to sell. In not following up. In not pitching ourselves for opportunities we would be perfect for. In refusing support and trying to do everything alone. It shows up in deflecting compliments, feeling uncomfortable when money comes in, and feeling more at ease being exhausted than fully supported.
And I think that last one is important because I genuinely believe some women are more comfortable overworking than receiving.
Business is reciprocal. Relationships are reciprocal. Community is reciprocal. We cannot sustainably only give. Eventually, something starts to collapse under the weight of that imbalance, whether that is our health, our resentment levels, our relationships or our business itself.
One of the ideas I talked about in this episode was giving other people the gift of giving to you. That might sound strange at first, but when we constantly refuse support or insist on doing everything ourselves, we also deny connection and reciprocity. People often like helping, contributing and opening doors for people they care about.
Sometimes hyper-independence is not strength - it is fear dressed up as capability.
I also talked about asking, because I think so many good girls have been trained out of asking for what they want. We hint. We minimise. We hope people will notice what we need without us having to say it out loud. But when we don’t ask, we often say no on behalf of the other person before they even get the chance to respond.
That really changed something for me when I first heard it.
We reject ourselves before the world even gets the opportunity to say yes.
And perhaps this is part of what receiving really requires. Not just openness to support or opportunity, but a willingness to stop deciding in advance that we are too much, asking too much or wanting too much.
I shared an idea in the episode called ‘100 Coffees’ (which I heard about from Hannah Schwartz), which is essentially about having conversations with people, being open, asking questions and allowing opportunities, introductions and relationships to grow naturally from that openness. I liked this idea because it felt relational rather than transactional. Less about forcing outcomes and more about being available for possibility.
I think many women are closed off from opportunities not because we are incapable, but because we are not allowing ourelves to fully receive what is available to us. Receiving requires believing you are worthy now, not once you have proved yourself through exhaustion.
And I think for many women, that is actually the deeper work.
Not becoming more useful, or doing more, or proving more. But learning to believe that you are allowed to receive support, visibility, success, money, care and opportunity without having to earn it through self-sacrifice first.
Receiving is not weakness. It is not laziness, selfishness or greed. It is part of being human.
And for many women, learning to receive is part of the rebellion.
It’s time.
Listen to the episode
The main topics covered in this episode are:
Why women often struggle to receive even when they deeply want more support, money, opportunities and recognition
The connection between good girl conditioning and over-giving
How many women learn to associate usefulness with love and worth
Why receiving can feel selfish, unsafe, greedy or exposing
The relationship dynamic of over-givers attracting people who are more comfortable receiving
How over-functioning and carrying too much can quietly lead to resentment
The hidden ways struggling to receive shows up in business: undercharging, over-delivering, refusing support and avoiding visibility
Why some women feel more comfortable exhausted than supported
The importance of reciprocity in business, relationships and community
Give other people the gift of giving to you and why refusing help can block connection
Hyper-independence and the fear underneath always doing everything alone
Why women often struggle to ask directly for what they want or need
The powerful idea that when we don’t ask, we say no on behalf of the other person
The difference between small asks and “ridiculous asks”
How openness creates opportunities, conversations and connections
The ‘100 coffees’ idea and creating opportunities through genuine conversations
Why receiving requires believing you are worthy now, not once you’ve proved yourself through exhaustion
Reflection questions around support, asking, over-giving and self-worth
Why learning to receive may actually be part of the Good Girl Rebellion itself
A challenge to ask for one thing this week instead of automatically saying no to yourself
Listen to Episode 8 on the links below.
