Ep 9: Why Women Wait for Confidence
Episode 9 of the Good Girl Rebellion podcast.
Why Women Wait for Confidence: How to Start Before You Feel Ready
We keep waiting for confidence to arrive
One of the things I hear women say all the time is some version of "I'm just not confident enough yet."
Not confident enough to start the business, to post on LinkedIn, to apply for the opportunity. Not confident enough to put themselves forward for the promotion. Not confident enough to have the conversation they know they need to have.
The assumption underneath all of that is that confidence comes first and action comes second and that one day we'll wake up feeling ready and certain and then we'll finally do the thing we've been thinking about for months, or sometimes years.
But when I sat down with confidence coach Martyna Jablonska for this episode of the Good Girl Rebellion podcast, I found myself remembering that we've got the whole thing backwards.
Because confidence doesn't arrive before action - it is built because of action.
The women we look at and think are confident rarely started that way. They weren't born posting videos online, speaking on stages, running businesses or putting themselves forward. At some point they simply decided to act before they felt fully ready.
And I think that's where so many women get stuck.
Not because they lack capability. Not because they lack intelligence. Not because they lack potential.
But because they are waiting for a feeling that can only be created by doing the thing itself.
The confidence gap isn't really about confidence
One of the themes that came up throughout our conversation was judgement.
Fear of judgement from colleagues. Fear of judgement from friends. Fear of judgement from strangers on the internet. Fear of looking foolish. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of being seen trying.
When you listen to women talk about confidence, it is often judgement sitting quietly underneath it.
Martyna spoke about how confidence can be chipped away over time. Children are naturally expressive. They draw pictures without worrying whether they're good enough. They dance without worrying how they look. They put their hands up. They take up space.
Then gradually we start receiving messages about being good, being quiet, being sensible and fitting in.
I think that's particularly true for women.
Many of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that being liked was important. Being accommodating was important. Not making people uncomfortable was important.
And those lessons don't disappear when we become adults.
They show up when we're deciding whether to launch the business, increase our prices, post our opinion online or apply for something that feels slightly beyond our reach.
Capable women doubt themselves too
What I found particularly interesting was Martyna's observation that many of the women she works with are already highly capable.
This isn't a conversation about women who can't do the thing.
It's a conversation about women who can.
Women who have the experience. The skills. The qualifications. The knowledge.
And yet still find themselves saying, "Maybe not yet."
I see this all the time in business.
Women waiting until they feel 100% ready before putting themselves forward. Women wanting certainty before they take the first step. Women looking for proof that it will work before they begin.
But life doesn't really work like that.
Most of the things that have changed my life came with no guarantees attached.
There was no certainty when I left employment. No certainty when I started Jewellery School Scotland. No certainty when I wrote a book. No certainty when I launched a podcast.
There was simply a decision to move.
What if confidence is built afterwards?
Perhaps the most useful reframe from this conversation is that confidence is not a prerequisite.
It's evidence.
It comes from doing something difficult and discovering that you survived.
It comes from taking the step, having the conversation, launching the thing, applying for the opportunity and realising that the world didn't end.
Sometimes it goes brilliantly.
Sometimes it doesn't.
But either way, you've gained something.
One of the examples we discussed was my experience of building an app for Good Girl Rebellion. The app itself didn't become what I originally hoped it would. A few years ago I might have viewed that entirely as failure.
Now I don't.
Because the process taught me things. It moved me forward. It introduced me to people. It opened doors I couldn't have predicted at the beginning.
And I think that's true of so many things in life.
We're often so focused on the outcome that we forget the value of the process.
Stop waiting
If there was one message I would love women to take from this conversation, it's this.
Stop waiting for confidence to arrive.
Confidence is not sitting around the corner waiting for you to feel ready enough.
It is built every time you say yes to something that scares you a little.
Every time you trust yourself enough to take the next step.
Every time you decide that what becomes possible matters more than what might go wrong.
Because at some point, the greater risk isn't failing.
It's spending years waiting for a confidence that was only ever going to be built through action.
It's time.
Listen to the episode
The main topics covered in this episode are:
Why so many capable women still struggle with confidence
The impact of good girl conditioning and fear of judgement
Why confidence is a skill, not something you're born with
The difference between confidence, competence and perfectionism
Why women often wait until they feel "ready"
How confidence is built through action rather than certainty
Training your brain to focus on possibility instead of worst-case scenarios
The importance of getting outside your comfort zone and collecting evidence
Why focusing on the process matters more than obsessing over the outcome
What becomes possible when women stop waiting and start acting
Listen to Episode 9 on the links below.
About Martyna
Martyna Jablonska is a confidence coach and founder of Academy of Confidence. She helps women overcome self-doubt and fear of judgement so they can build confidence, trust themselves and take action towards the life they want.